throughout my life whenever i’ve been faced with a decision i’ve generally known what the right choice was and what the bad choice was. being the really rationale person that i am, more times than not, i think and analyze things before i act. yet, despite my best efforts i have this rebellious person in me that tells me, “carpe diem bxxxh!”. i honestly dont know what her problem is but often times she wins. smh. i find that her actions tend to cost me the most later down the road and even if its not the next day or week or month, it always does. im not sure if everyone is subject to the karma im subject to but the shxt is ridiculous. also #icare. i care an awful amount about people, most just dont know it. my best friend says that our conscience tends to be stronger than most that we know. i just have a tendency to gag mine from time to time. but when i feel the consequences of my actions directly or indirectly, im pissed. but i can only be pissed at myself, because i know better. despite the fact that dysfunction is the new normal for families these days, i was raised and not dragged up. So at the end of the day, i know better but i dont do better. why? there are several reasons like, im probably not thinking straight because of drinks n drugs or i dont want to regret a chance not taken. but as i grow older ive learned that some things are best left the fxxk alone.
ever heard curiousity killed the cat? yep, that shxt is true.
and don’t get me wrong, I’m not promoting timidness. I’m promoting the wisdom of being able to discern between the things that are worth exploring and those that wave a great big yellow, orange, or red flag. I’m also promoting the strength to be able to walk away from those things you know you should do without despite the tinglin of your curiousity. Walking away is so passive but it takes sooo much strength to do it.
the point of this story is that enjoying life does not nullify the bad/risky decisions you make. put it like this, every choice you make and i mean EVERY choice you make, matters. Obviously some make more of an impact than others but belittling the bad decisions you make will not take away their effects and will not change the impact they will have on lives.
i am no angel
i am a sinner who will probably sin again but that’s between me and my Savior.
dont you get tired of making the same trite ass mistakes?
its not about being perfect, its about evolving.
so the next time you find yourself at a crossroads feeling that slightly uneasy gut feeling about something, dont ignore it. chances are its your conscious trying to physically manifest itself.
and don’t compare yourself to others. you are you, in all your wonderful twisted glory. there is and never will be anyone like you.
to me, at this moment, there is no age more odd than that of 23. Sure 11 and 19 are odd times as well but it gets real at 23. You’re not old but you feel it. If you haven’t made any substantial progress in life by now, you have some motherfxxkin catchin up to do. Its not that crazy for someone to look at me and think I might be a mother even though the thought is still quite absurd to me. You’re smack dab in between 21 and 25 which are milestones in American society. So you kind of treat this age like a middle child. And last but not least, love, if you’re single, this is the age where some people you know are YOLO’ing the shit out of life or are married with children. Its one big ass grey area. 23 is odd as fxxk.